Friday, July 31, 2009

Ian's Cousins and Good Deeds


Yesterday Ian calls me and says his cousins are over and driving him crazy and would I save him.

He should no better than to make such poorly worded requests from me . The Mischief I could have made would be legendary and horrendous but I decided to be...nice and just teleport over to see what was the problem.

Bending space I winked from my room to his door step faster than human apelike thought and knocked. His parents are delightful people (In a human way) and despite their gushing and the mothers attempt to "Fatten me up" quite tolerable.

"Lucy come in”, says the father a tall and handsome stage actor who I can only hope is a sign of what Ian will one day grow into . I look about and see the mundane and clean living room and smelt the homemade blintzes n the air.
“Honey, Look its little Lucy”, says the man at my side to his wife in the kitchen. Ian’s mother is dark haired like most of the family but her eyes are green and there is a slight tan to her skin. She unlike the rest of his family I learned was born in Israel
“ערב טוב גב”, I say In my best Hewbrew (That’s good morning Madame English)
She looks at me and smiles. “Hello Dear, Ian is up stairs with his cousins”
She walks over to me toweling off her hand and leans over to kiss me on the cheek “Run, they’re the spawn of darkness” she says just loud enough for all three of us to hear.
Her eyes formed a half scowl, “They’re not that bad”.
“They shaved the dog, destroyed half of the dining room carpet and sat ire to my rises out back, they are pure evil”, said the woman hands on hip.
“The’ they’re my brother’s kids”, The man looked as serious as
I ever seen him, which is to say not very serious, “They are a little rambunctious is all”
“Lucy, you are too sweet a girl for those ruffians, maybe you should come back later”, the woman’s words held a true concern for my well being and cemented my resolve helot straighten everything out.
“I can take care of myself”, I said heading towards the stairs.
“Our daughter thought the same thing, they shaved her head last night, she’s locked in her room, I’m making the Blintzes to coax her out”.

Ian’s sister was no push over, she was 4 years older then us and what you would call “Goth”. I always thought if she was born under different circumstances she would make a serviceable witch. I looked at her room door as I walked down the hall. Just past it was Ian’s and from the inside I heard the sound of his video game system, loud laughter and the smelt pickled cucumbers. Softly I knocked.
After almost a minute the door opened a tall boy a little older than me with a blond buzz-cut,, freckles a stripped green and red t-shirt and jeans looked down at me.
“We’re busy in here”, he roared half eaten pickle in hand.
“I’m here to see Ian”, I commanded walking past him.
Ian is a notorious neatnik. His encyclopedic organizational skills were a thing of near awe. Today however his normally clean room was a mess. His books, comics, games, dolls (He called them action figures) laid about some broken or torn., Two boys looking almost exactly like the one that answered the door sat on the floor playing the video game. Ian sat on his bed covered in silver –grey tape from knees to shoulder. His mouth also covered. Next to him a young blond boy a few years my junior sat poking Ian with a coat hanger every few seconds.
“Mmmmfffmmmmm”, he said., my translation spell instantly let me knew he was saying “Look out behind you”
“You must be I-dorks girl”, said a voice behind me as a make shift rope made of dirty socks came over my head pinning my hands together .
“I-dork has a girl friend”, said one of the other boys playing the game turning to see me.
“She thinks she’s a vampire, look at how’s she’s dressed”, said the boy who had bound my arms to my side. I need to see them to cast my spell and by happenstance they stayed behind me. Still the one poking Ian with the clothing hanger was free and If It turned him into a fire breathing Chimera he could easily eat the others.

“Ch…”, I started to say as Silver Tape was wrapped around my mouth.
The boy then tossed me on the bed and propped me up next to Ian.
“I tried to warn you”, my spell translated Ian’s next words.
“He look what I got, The blond boy held up my purse.
“Dibs”, said the hanger poker leaping off the bed and grabbing it.
“Can’t you do something? Turn them into oatmeal?”, asked Ian.
“Not while I’m like this”, I responded knowing he couldn’t understand me.
By accident they had disciple a witch in the simplest fashion, binding her hands and taking her ability to speak. Still there was simple magics I could perform as long as I could see.
“I can’t open it”, said the smaller boy tugging on my purse then banging it on the side of a chest of drawers.
The larger one pulled it from his hands and tried to open it, “Give me that you spaz”
He tugged on it for a while and the other two sitting rose to give it a try.
“What kinda lock is this”, one said.
“I got an idea”, said the other reaching into his pocket and pulling a small pen knife.
With a look of glee he stabbed at my purse shattering his blade, ”What the….” He looked at the broken knife then at me.
“Ok dracula, how do we open it !”
I sat silently glaring at him.
“Make her open it”, said one another one”, The boy walked towards me and rolled me to my feet.
“Hey don’t untie her”, said the little one, “I wanted to cut her hair”
“Don’t worry, we can hold her down while you play barber shop.”, said the one from the door with a gap tooth smiled he shared with his two near twins and young sibling..
The one with the knife loosened my bonds I felt the blood flow back into my lower arms.
“Open it up Skinny”, he said handing me my purse.
“She looks rich, I bet she has some cool stuff inside”, said one of the other boys with greedy eyes.

I smiled under my gag and gestured, instantly all of us were in my room.
“What just happened”, said the little boy.
I waved my gag away into nothing, “
You made a mistake you will to your sorrow live to regret”, I said gesturing Ian free of his bonds.
“Where are we”, said the one with the broken knife looking about nervous.
“My room you silly simpletons” , I spoke crossing my arms. “Now who’s first”
“Thank you Lucinda”, Ian smiled sweetly at me as he spoke and then turned towards his cousins “Oh you guys are in trouble”
“Shut up I-dork before I pop you in the jaw”, the boy that bound me looked at Ian
Ian stepped back hands up in a placating manner, “Hey I was just letting you know “.
“Know what?”, One of the other older cousin looked about.
“This “ I said pointing at him twisting him inside out and outside in till he looked like a line of taffy being stretched and folded in mid air almost faster than the eye could follow.

“Crap”, cried the younger boy as he moved towards the door.
“Change” I said pointing at him turning him into a small blue tree frog in mid jump.
The Other boys looked on horrified.
‘You’re a..”, one started to say
“Yeah she’s a witch”, said Ian, “And only a witch but a really scary super powerful one”
I giggled opened my purse and took a red cigarette holder and poined it at one of the remaining boys, “Change”, I said the boy vanished as a lit cigarette appeared in my holder.
“All of the above and annoyed”, I said to the last boy as I held out my free hand near his taffy pulled brother . The stretched and pulled boy shrunk until he was the size of a piece of candy and with a “Change” so he was.
“ Hey you can’t do this”, the last one whom name I never got (and didn’t care to know” looked at me with the proper amount of fear.
“Oh yes I can you dirty ill mannered Peasant”, I looked down at him and smiled with contempt.
“You’re just a girl “ he mumbled looking about unable to grasp his situation fully.
“No I’m a Princess, you’re the blubbering girl…Change” and as if its always been that way he was a girl dressed in a frilly dress his…her long blond dress in hair bows and the thoughts of flowers, sunny days and unicorns running through what passed for a mind”

I would like to say that was the end of their punishment, but it wasn’t I had most of the day to teach them the errors of touching my person and bring grief to Ian (That’s my job thank you very much). Sadly however I had to return them to normal and return them and Ian back to their room. I left a proper curse on each and everyone one of them so if They ever acted out towards Ian or his family they would first go permanently bald, than gain cankers on their bodies, then a finger will rot off and once all the fingers were gone their toes would follow and lastly they would turn to piles of goats dung.

After I sent Ian home I sat looking at mirror watching the boys try to convince themselves nothing had happened. One of the older ones tried to prove his point by pushing Ian on to his bed, the others laughed and all of those I cursed went bald on the spot.

I think I’m finally starting to get a hold ff this good-deed thing. My sister will be so proud when I tell her, or when she reads this.

25 comments:

Dennis said...

No good deed is left unpunished oh so great one.

Kate said...

Heeey, I`m back from Paris :) Did I miss something? Woah, Lucinda is doing good deeds?? Has the world turned upside down`? I mean really, you went pretty easy on them, you even turned them back. Did someone go soft? *biiiiiig smile*

Dennis said...

Nah she hasn't gone soft i think she turns people back out of boredom i mean she turns me into some thing new every week i was a toad then human then a chicken and now back to human its like i'm target practice or a hobby

Kate said...

Didn`t her sister turn you back?? Well, not that I want to take sides, but youself are to blame for this. We all know that Lucinda doesn`t like insolent slaves.

Dennis said...

Shhhhh dont draw attention to me i'm hidin here Kate! And stop pointing at me and tellin her i'm here! >_<

Kate said...

Ohhhh, sorry. Uhhm, well if I had to search for Dennis, I definately would not look here, nuh uh. I would search somewhere else....because thats where he is. Somewhere else. And not here. Yes.

Dennis said...

Kate! *throws donuts* go Kate! Go get the yummy donuts!

Kate said...

Yay Donuts! Best day ever!

Dennis said...

That was close thank god for emergency donuts!

Kate said...

Maybe Lucinda would like you better if you`d give her some donuts, too! Everbody loves donuts!

Dennis said...

I dont think that trick will work on her

Kate said...

Eh, she is 12 years old. Give her something with enough sugar and she....well, I can`t promise that she won`t change you, but you have better chances atleast.

Dennis said...

I'll take my chances with hiding really why put my self in range for a change

Kate said...

And it seems to work surprisingly well Oo Either you are really good at hiding or she is too busy to look for you right now.

Princess Lucinda Nightbane said...

I do like donuts..
And some better appear as tribute soon...

Kate said...

See? I told you so. Nobody can resist donuts..

Dennis said...

But i threw all my donuts to Kate and then i ate 6 of um my self :< you cant blame me for that.....I need a lawyer.... KATE HERES A DANISH FOR THE LOVE OF MIKE PLEA BARGIN IN MY DEFENCE!!!

Kate said...

But I don`t even like a danish! Its just not the same...

Dennis said...

Fine fine i was saving some glazed ones now defend my case plea bargain Kate

Kate said...

Yay, more donuts! Wait, does it look like Lucinda and I are like best friends or something?? I may try to bargain in your defence but that could easily result in me being turned in a cookie once again or worse.

Also, you seem to be able to survive on your own too, atleast until now. Ahhh, okok, I`m way to nice, but when I see Lucinda again, I`ll try to reason with her for your well-being. You happy now?

Dennis said...

The real plan is to escape while shes busy messing with you...... Then i'll eat all the donuts myself

Kate said...

What was that?? Did I mention that I want my donuts now? Or else I surely won`t help you with Lucinda. In fact, if you don`t pay me immediately, I`ll tell her that you badmouthed her sister and that she should just torture you for a few months.

So better don`t mess with me here, buddy! I`m your only hope.

Dennis said...

Kate your not helping i'll just leave donuts for Lucinda and rely on her good nature i might even bribe her with milk kids love milk!

Kate said...

Yeah, maybe I can convince her to turn you into milk. I bet that would be fun, right?! Hehehe.....

Elijah Loo said...

I have no doughnuts for you you horrible princess

Groveling Humans